What's Right of What's Left isn't What's Left of What's Right

Vietnam 04/09/2011 - 10/092011

2011-09-22T21:57:00.000+08:00

Day 1

Early morning flight at 8am. Airport at 6am.Tiger Airways. First time going solo. It was on the plane where I reallyactually started planning my entire trip based on the photocopies of pages fromthe Lonely Planet. Arrived Hanoi at about 1030am Hanoi time. It is 1 hourbehind Singapore. Asked the Tourist info on how to get to 91C Hang Ma Street,the address of Hanoi Hostel. There happened to be another person, Kiah, fromAustralia who was making her way to the same hostel. The taxi fare quoted wasUSD30. On hindsight it was really pricey, but we shared the cab so it was USD15each. Ouch. Still pricey.

Checked into Hanoi Hostel, met Steve, anotherAustralian, who's been working around Vietnam for quite awhile now. First mealin Vietnam was bun cha - bbqed chicken pieces in broth, and you dip these thickbeehoon and raw vegs into the broth, take them out and eat them. Street food.Walked abit around Hanoi old district, went to the market, where people thoughtI was Vietnamese, and they spoke to me in Vietnamese, and expected me totranslate it to Steve. :S

Booked my return night train ticket to LaoCai, where I'd change to a bus to Sapa. Cost: 930,000VND. 6-beds in a cabin.Spent the afternoon walking around more of Hanoi old district. Attended eveningSunday Mass at St. Joseph's Cathedral. Tried walking to the train station toprepare myself that night. Left for Sapa the very same night. Night train at2140h. I was on the lowest level of the 3-beds-on-1-side. I was taken abackwhen other passengers sat on my bed before the train took off. I guess it wasnormal for them. Just carried on my stuff. The sleep was relatively peaceful,save for a few bumpy instances.

2010-12-16T12:54:00.001+08:00

Again. Just get out of my life. We'd be better off without you.

2010-10-29T12:41:00.000+08:00

Just Fuck Off

What's your motivation?

2010-07-10T23:17:00.000+08:00

I need a sense of purpose.

Random

2010-07-01T23:10:00.000+08:00

Shit. I'm getting all emo and teary. WTF!!!

2010-07-01T23:00:00.002+08:00

All of a sudden, I decided to read the blog of a friend this morning. Reading the blogs of some of my old friends makes me feel melancholic and very sentimental all of a sudden. And that's like when I'm on the other side of the world, but I can't really get to know what's happening in their lives. A part of me decides to move on, but everyone who's been through it knows that some special memories with certain people will always remain. Whether or not the other party feels the same way is another thing. It's just a pity some things don't work out. We always wonder why. I choose to believe God has a plan; then again, I get impatient at times and wonder. Even listening to songs that remind me of our times together will stir the emotions in me. Many times there's the option to 'escape' through worldly 'activities'; somehow, I always stop myself from plunging too far down. Sometimes I really wish I had something to erase any memory I want to.

I think I know

2010-06-11T08:12:00.002+08:00

I've typed down all that has happened during my travels from Niagara Falls to NYC to DC to Miami to Orlando on MSnotepad and when I try to copy and paste, it just doesn't work. Oh well. I'm too lazy to retype everything on blogger. Don't really think anyone reads my blog already anyway haha.

Anyway, somehow or rather, I don't know what is this I'm feeling.

Signing off.

Week 1 USA

2010-05-18T21:07:00.002+08:00

I hope this post doesn't get too boring because it'll all be about admin.

14/05
Cabbed from home to Changi Airport with cost of $28 =x Ok did the usual checking in and all, then flew to HongKong for transit. Flight from sg to hk was abt 3+ hours. We flew United Airlines. From hk to Chicago, about 13+ hours. From Chicago to Charlotte, another 2 hours. Finally, reached Charlotte at 9pm+. And, due to some screw-ups, some of our luggages were on the next flight, and some ppl missed their flights as well due to the long queues at security, and hence, with all the waiting, we reached the hotel at 1am.

15/05
Walked to Carowinds Amusement Park which was about 20min walk away. It's located on the border of North and South Carolina so we always have to cross the border. Did all the admin at the HR office which lasted one whole day.

16/05 - 17/05
Spent the whole of these 2 days planning for our trip around the East Coast. Went to Walmart on Sunday night. Total Damage: ~$80USD. Stocked up on cup noodles and microwaveable food. bought slippers, court shoes and running shoes. After planning, the total cost of our travels is abt $523USD. Excluding accommodation and food. oh well, i'll earn it back haha. =P

18/05
Left hotel at 0445. To get to Charlotte airport to fly to Newark, and then to Buffalo for the start of our East Coast trip. The plan: Up to Buffalo, Niagara Falls, down to NY, down to DC, down to Miami, up to Orlando, and then back up to Charlotte.
Am at Newark-Liberty International Airport now!! awaiting flight transit to Buffalo. The weather doesn't look too good, hopefully it'll clear up!

2010-05-04T15:32:00.001+08:00

And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again...
Will I see you again...

Ode to the Nice Guys

2010-04-25T20:26:00.003+08:00

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal:

http://www.stwing.upenn.edu/~jenf/writing/rant04.html

"This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming."

-Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003-

Irritatable!!!!!

2010-04-17T12:17:00.000+08:00

2010-04-16T15:15:00.000+08:00

"I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone,
but I can tell you what it is for me.
Love is knowing all about someone,
and still wanting to be with them more than any other person.
Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself,
including the things you might be ashamed of.
Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone,
but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you. ”

— The O.C.

Sometimes you just have to run away

2010-04-13T14:50:00.004+08:00

I just can't wait for my US trip to materialise. I need to get away.

A message?

2010-04-12T02:16:00.002+08:00

500 Days of Summer = 88 Days of Year4Sem2 ??

bits of reflections

2010-04-06T22:21:00.002+08:00

1. sometimes, what we envision as the perfect scenario just doesn't happen. more often than not, we settle with smth different from our expectations. =)

2. true friends stay with you when u're down, even after they've already shared their opinions. they won't leave u alone and say, "i already told u so"

3. new life means letting go of everything that is of the old. what awaits us is smth beyond our expectations. if only we let go.

4. it's possible to simply shut the door. just do so gently. don't slam it.

Breathe

2010-04-06T21:25:00.003+08:00

Ok. I'm finally quite settled. Doing lotsa admin stuff since sunday nite:

1. Packed my room in hall, which actually just looks messy cause of the loads of food on the table and the unfolded clothes on my bed haha. but the food is neatly arranged and clothes folded and stuffed away.

2. Handed in FYP second draft to prof. he hasn't gotten back to me. i hope he's accepted it and not give me last minute to make changes.

3. EE4902 reports are the same as previous years. YAY :D i can use the sample reports.

4. Singtel bills, Citibank bills are paid, either online or at AXS machine.

5. Forms for US visa application are done.

6. Past year papers are printed.

7. Changed the spocket and chain of my bike, sent my bike for vehicle inspection, extended insurance coverage, awaiting to renew road tax.

8. Topped up 'V-power racing' at JB.

2010-03-31T22:09:00.001+08:00

Ok if anyone wants to buy me presents for whatever reason:

1. Nice comfy headphones (the leather cushion type)
2. Waterproof/water resistant track pants
3. iphone cover

End of the Road

2010-03-30T12:16:00.002+08:00

This time, it really is the end of the road. No more. More details soon hopefully. But as long as the both of us know what's goin on, that's good enough for me.

I see the silver lining in everything that doesn't work out

2010-03-26T23:53:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

The only thing I ask of you,
is to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away... ...

2010-03-25T11:54:00.002+08:00

I promise I'll never leave you behind.

To love or to be loved?

2010-03-20T15:40:00.002+08:00

Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.
I'm glad these I made these 2 weeks easier.
When 23rd arrives, I hope things won't change.

Sometimes, I wonder if all I'm living is just a dream. We all are entitled to, are we not?

Heart-warming

2010-03-18T17:11:00.001+08:00

Those simple words and the the look in your eyes were enough to melt my heart.

=D

2010-03-17T01:52:00.001+08:00

Annoying Orange puts a smile on my face HAHAHAHAHA. Wazzzuuuupppp.... LOL

2010-03-14T00:54:00.000+08:00

"...是你永远不曾过的体会..."

I miss you.

2010-03-13T02:30:00.001+08:00

I can't think of a title for this, probably cause I can't describe the way I'm feeling right now.

I know. Me too.

Mixed feelings

2010-03-09T17:15:00.002+08:00

I've got so much to think about nowadays. FYP, ENS, relationships, friendships, career.

On a random note, I'm getting hungry and sleepy so often, I feel as if my life is just of eat and sleep haha.

Puts a smile on my face hahahaahah:
Hey, hey banana! watcha doing?? --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL_qGMfbtAk

End of Recess Week - A New Beginning

2010-03-07T20:14:00.000+08:00

It starts afresh here.

Song of the moment

2010-03-07T20:07:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjcvasr-6o0

(English translation)
Some say it’s not over ‘till it’s over
Guess this is really over now
There’s something I gotta say before I let you go
Listen

When you have a fight with him
Sometimes you cry
And feel sad and blue
I become hopeful
My heart aches secretly
Then just a hint of your smile
Can make feel fine again
To keep you from figuring out how I feel about you
Coz then we would drift apart
I hold my breath, bite my lips
Oh, please leave him and come to me

Baby, please don’t take his hand
Coz you should be my lady
I’ve been waiting for you for so long
Please look at me now

When the music starts
You will vow to spend
The rest of your life with him
How I prayed every night
This day would never come

The wedding dress you’re wearing
It’s not me (next to you)
Oh, the wedding dress you’re wearing, oh, no

You never knew how I felt about you
And I hated you so
Sometimes I wished you would be unhappy
Now I have no more tears left to cry
When I’m by myself I talk to you like you’re here
I’ve felt so restless every night
Maybe I’ve known all along this would happen
I close my eyes and dream an endless dream
Please leave him and come to me

Baby, don’t take his hand when he comes to you
Coz you should be my lady
I’ve been waiting for you for so long
Look at me now

When the music starts
You will vow to spend
The rest of your life with him
How I prayed every night
This day would never come

The wedding dress you’re wearing
It’s not me (next to you)
Oh, the wedding dress you’re wearing, oh, no

Please be happy with him
So that I can forget you
Please forget how miserable I looked
It’s going to be unbearably hard for me
For a long while to come

End of the road

2010-03-05T11:47:00.001+08:00

So this time, I guess this is really it.

Thank you for the memories.

=D

2010-03-03T16:19:00.001+08:00

Warms my heart. Thank you very much.

10 months to Christmas

2010-02-25T09:11:00.001+08:00

Feel so... jaded
Want to run away

2010-02-23T11:58:00.004+08:00

Just for memory's sake, how Hall 6 lost the track title. Tied on points with Hall 3, but Hall 3 had gold for 3 events while we had 2. And that was through disqualification of Hall 1 which enable Hall 3 to move up the standings. BUT, IF I HAD RUN THE 4X100m, I AM SO DAMN CERTAIN WE COULD HAVE FINISHED WITH A GOLD, IF NOT SILVER AT LEAST, IN WHICH CASE 1 FREAKING POINT DETERMINES US BEING THE OVERALL TRACK CHAMPS!

And rugby in the afternoon didn't have a fairytale ending too. But no complains. I think I'm proud and happy with my team.

Here ends my love affair for sports with Hall 6. Mixed feelings of what could have, or could not have been throughout my 4 years. No medals in my final year. But memories to take with me. Battle scars to show for. Then again, nothing lasts forever. Empires and dynasties come and go.

2010-02-19T10:13:00.001+08:00

I need a miracle. Can i recover from a bad ankle sprain in 2 days? Pls God.

"And time will pass me by~"

2010-02-18T16:26:00.001+08:00

OMG. the play count for 'will you wait for me' by kavana is a staggering 40 on my itunes. haha. And it's recently been added lol.

Just the thought of...

2010-02-16T18:07:00.001+08:00

It's hard not to feel this way. Ok, don't think.

Unfinished business

2010-02-10T02:47:00.002+08:00

1) Health
2) Career/Finance
3) Heart
4) Schoolwork

What does one call this?

2010-02-07T16:40:00.002+08:00

The Unnamed feeling. Restlessness? Maybe. Helplessness? Perhaps. Wanting-to-do smth-but-in-no-position-to-do-so. Knowing-something-isn't-right-but-unable-to-place-a-finger-on-it.

Songs say it best

2010-02-05T15:37:00.002+08:00

Please Forgive Me - Bryan Adams
Please forgive me, I know not what I do
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you

I Can Wait Forever - Air Supply
I can wait forever
If you say you'll be there too
I can wait forever if you will
I know it's worth it all, to spend my life alone with you

How Did I Fall In Love With You - Backstreet Boys
What can I do to make you mine?
Falling so hard, so fast this time
What did I say? What did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

Can't lose what you never had - Westlife
Rules are made for breakin'
Nothing ventured nothing gained
I'll be no worse off than I am right now
And I might never get that chance again
...
I don't care if you think I'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you
You can't lose what you never had
...

Absolutely

2010-02-04T17:35:00.000+08:00

To love is to take risk. To love is to wait. To love is to break the barriers. To love is to run the miles. To love is to give and not to take. To love is to keep on reaching out. To love is to never give up. To love is to be patient. To love is to speak from the bottom of your heart.

Amor no intercambiado

2010-02-01T17:07:00.002+08:00

Esto hace daño a mí mucho siempre que yo sepa que usted está con él. Sin embargo, sólo puedo ser un amigo bueno a usted. Rezaré y esperaré que un día yo tenga tu amor.

And if I promise not to feel this pain, will I see you again, will I see you again?

2010-02-01T09:00:00.004+08:00

An end to January. My heart's already been on a roller coaster.

痴心绝对

2010-01-29T22:27:00.002+08:00

看见你和他在我面前

证明我的爱只是愚昧

你不懂我的那些憔悴

是你永远不曾过的体会

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解

我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切

你又狠狠逼退我的防备

静静关上门来默数我的泪

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会

我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天

直到那一天你会发现

真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲

In His Time

2010-01-27T10:13:00.000+08:00

"Don't get disappointed when God doesn't give you what you want...For He knows the best time for you to have it"

The possibility

2010-01-26T20:45:00.001+08:00

Un-melancholic. I like nice dreams. I wish they'd turn into reality. =)

To answer a question

2010-01-25T23:06:00.003+08:00

The answer surfaces when you least expect it to.

11 months to Christmas

2010-01-25T16:45:00.001+08:00

Live for the moment. You're only young once.

Surreal

2010-01-23T21:52:00.005+08:00

What a month to remember thus far; and it's still January of 2010. This year seems to have many interesting things in store for me if every month is such. More precisely, what a week. Never would I have imagined. Surreality. Melancholic.

Anyway, if all goes well, I may be heading to the USA come May straight after FYP presentation. To the Grand Canyon. Excited much. Nv stepped on American soil.

Applying for a position at EADS. Just trying my luck.

Breakfast and supper and breafast and supper for 5 consecutive days. Unfathomable.

Need to buck up for FYP in the meanwhile!

Greener pastures

2010-01-21T02:29:00.001+08:00

I'm loving the new chapter in this book.

A New Chapter

2010-01-11T01:18:00.002+08:00

"Don't close the book. Just turn the page."

That aside, pls take care of yourself while you're away. I really felt it after reading your blog about your near encounter with those ppl. That guy was really God-sent. Thank Him for keeping you safe.

Last nite, channel 5 just screened 'A New Hope - Starwars Episode 4'. A little apt? =P

School starts.

I can't wait to see what 2010 has in store.

Sunshine and the rain

2010-01-05T10:40:00.003+08:00

I thought I was over you, but even the others could tell otherwise. I guess I don't realise it after all. It was sunshine and rain altogether at the same time. It's my dream; we all are entitled to dream right? Everything starts with one. I know now isn't the right time, perhaps you still aren't ready, perhaps for me you never will be. But it's ok. I try to do things and leave it as neutral as possible so you wouldn't start thinking all over again. I can just sit by the side. I don't know if what I'm doing now is waiting till it's really impossible. I will pray about it. I will pray for you.

I will miss you.

Sometimes, we'll only learn to appreciate people when they're no longer with us.

Goodbye 2009 Hello 2010

2010-01-01T16:36:00.000+08:00

So I ushered in the new year with MJ at ET's. was initially down by 23, but some sick hands and I overturned the deficit into a profit of 36. For my own pleasure to remember, a few 'penghu's in a row, plus 2x 5-tai zi-mo including a xiao-san-yuan, a few other 5-tais, a near zi-yi-se, and an animal 'an-kang' were highlights of a super sick MJ luck I had last night. But lately my luck has been rather good of late. Perhaps 2010 will be a life-turning year for me? (think toto haha)

Anyway, I've progressed with my FYP finally. But analysis of results dun seem too convincing. Theory doesn't match the result. But oh well, I progressed.

Exam results came out on the 30th. As usual, subjects which I thought I'd do well weren't as good, and vice versa. But the bright side is I hit a 4 for the first time in my uni life. It may be the norm for some ppl, but I think it's my own personal target this sem and I'm glad I achieved it. My aim is a super high 4.7 next sem. =S

Later on that very same day, rode to town to pass some documents to my friend, but clever me decided to take the chance to not top-up petrol just yet. Luckily, it died at KPO, just within walking distance of cine. Then it wasnt a very pleasant surprise when I saw my friend too. 2 blows in a day. Ok can. Went home, walked to Jelita Caltex, bought petrol and dabao-ed it back to KPO to feed my baby. Pokered that very night. Was doing well, but eventually lost an all-in; perhaps was too rash. What a day.

Reflections

2009-12-21T22:09:00.002+08:00

Location: FYP lab, Techno Research Plaza
Now listening: 倒帶 (Jolin Tsai version)

I was so frustrated the whole day. I feel this way everytime I start doing my FYP in the lab. It seems as if the many hours always result in nothing. I know what I have to do, so I'm not lost. But the setting up of all th equipment is killin' me. The steep learning curve. Super steep. Let's break it down. I've gotta mix a mixture of PDMS, pour it into a mould, and bake it for an hour or so before the chip is usable. Here's the bad part: when inserting the optical fibre into the chip, the fibre sometimes break; if it breaks INSIDE the chip, I have no choice but to remake the chip. If I push the fibre too deep in, it breaks the microchannel inside. Consequence: remake the chip. For the record, I think I've destroyed abt 7 chips tdy. Do the maths. And, when I successfully DID manage to insert the fibre nicely, a 'nice' little speck of dirt with a size the order of microns is enough to block the microchannel and I HAVE TO REMAKE ANOTHER FREAKING CHIP.

I've ranted enough. I've been thinking why I took up this FYP in the beginning? Maybe it was my fault for not consulting the prof in charge first about the details of this project. During the course of the sem however, my FYP prof happened to be my tutor for one of my modules, and to say he helped us alot before the exams was a huge understatement =P Let's leave it as that. And over chicken rice lunch alone today, I kept mellowing over my FYP again when it just dawned upon me that this FYP wasn't meant to help me academically, but to make me a more patient person. I choose to believe so. I still believe my life has been planned out by God. He has preserved me in so many more ways than one throughout my life, and definitely, it is only always on hindsight that I understand the reasons why things happened or failed to happen to me.

I've just came back from India, spending almost a week there, with a visit to a children's home, and a halfday tour of the city of Jaipur. Joan had her first ride atop a camel and we sat on an elephant as well. The kids of the home lead simple lives. They are obedient to the indian nun in charge at the home and we saw how happy they were, away from the uninnocence of the outside world. Had nights of HTHTs and reflections at our rooftop.

...So I'm still at my lab. My life is so much in isolation. I don't think I have that many close friends though fb says I have 600+ of them. But oh well, such is my life. I make the best out of it.

Guess I won't have December holidays anymore. Come this time next year, I wonder what direction my life will take. The people close to me slowly drift away.

I always tell people when I help them in one way or other: "no worries, when I'm old and greying, all I ask is you remember me."

Now listening: 最长的电影 (Jay Chou)

In the middle

2009-11-22T23:37:00.002+08:00

By choosing one good friend's welfare, I have hurt the other. Given a choice, how will you handle it?

2009-11-22T22:27:00.000+08:00

It seems a highly impossible dream at the moment.

2009-11-22T18:06:00.003+08:00

Today, I feel the worst in months. That feeling of being alone in the world, friendless, not wanted, angry, not knowing which idiot invented the concept of exams, restlessness, wanting to migrate to somewhere unknown and leave my whole life at present behind me, all combined into one. I know this doesn't make much sense cause it just comes as I type. I wonder what would happen of me if I have not a religion and God to fall back on. Perhaps I'll just sink into the abyss of depression.

Angsty Me

2009-11-22T12:42:00.002+08:00

Have been feeling rather easily irritable and angsty of late. Bloody inconsiderate people who scream randomly at 3~4am everynite while I'm trying to sleep. Can't even have afternoon naps as the workers all gather at the stairs outside my room talking loudly. WTF man. This is a bloody bad location. Why am i not surprised they left me this room only when all other rooms are taken. Seriously, grow up you young twerps. There's more to life than just screaming and acting oh-so-bitchy trying to get all the attention u want. It isn't cute. It's fCking annoying.

2009-11-12T11:04:00.001+08:00

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Constant

2009-11-10T11:41:00.008+08:00

...So I stayed home and ate mum-cooked food for my birthday dinner =) exactly what i wanted. Yay.

Many thanks to all for the well wishes. =) It matters most with people close to your heart celebrating your birthday. Kinda disappointed though that some people forgot. Especially when they've been with you for 24 years. My birthday card from deb n shera =) :

In the meanwhile, to say I've been extremely busy with HRM in school is an understatement. Well, I'm blogging it down to remind myself of the effort that has been put in. Totally worth more than 3AUs. Felt like I just fulfilled a requirement for a phD instead.

Err, what else is there. I went prawning for the first time haha. cool. quite easy actually.

Hmm, oh yea, how can I forget my baby? We got together on 12th september 2009. Here's her photo haha:

Ain't she pretty?

Exams start in less than 2 weeks. Yay. And I'm flying off to India after that.

And Life is pretty much constant; I'm a patient fisherman...

2009-10-05T22:58:00.002+08:00

you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:
a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'

life sometimes gives you a second chance

you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back sometimes

if you pursue happiness, it will elude you; if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you

whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision

even when I have pains, I don't have to be one

every day, you should reach out and touch someone

Proud of EEE

2009-09-05T12:41:00.000+08:00

When we say

2009-07-30T00:52:00.000+08:00

somethin bout the way
somethin bout the way you look
in my eyes
you make everything so damn easy
so easy that i dont got to worry bout a thing

and baby when we touch
all i can see is the image of us
sitting by the ocean
just before the dusk
sippin on a juice box and
sand between our toes

this is the part when we say were in love
and the part where we have our first kiss
but this ain't a movie
i know you cant come with me
you got your life
he better be treatin you right

just tell me you dont love me
tell me you dont feel the same way that i do
tell me i dont make you smile
like i do when you walk in the room
you're so hard to let go

this is the part when we say were in love
and the part where we say it's forever
but this ain't a fantasy
i know you can't come with me
you got your life
he better be treatin you right

this hurts so much to know that you're
with someone else when you should be w me
its just hard to accept that i cant be around
he better be treatin you good
i'm no einstein but i know a sign
when i see one
and i know you love me too

Something to think about

2009-07-21T11:23:00.000+08:00

Why Go To Church?

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor. It wenton for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals.. But I do know this ... They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!

"When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Jesus, could you get that for me?"

End of chapter

2009-07-21T08:24:00.000+08:00

Yet another chapter of my life closed.

The Paradox of our time

2009-07-15T10:50:00.002+08:00

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

by Dr. Bob Moorehead *Cited on Antioch Blog by Theresa

hello sexy

2009-07-11T23:28:00.001+08:00

Only $188 =)

I wish

2009-07-11T02:17:00.000+08:00

I wish you'd stay.

Leavin'

2009-07-08T00:10:00.004+08:00

It's that heart-wrenching feeling again.
I'm learning to 'stretch' time.
Hopefully I've done just right - not too much nor too little.

photos

2009-06-14T23:56:00.003+08:00

I'm sucha clubber

2009-06-14T23:11:00.005+08:00

This first half of the year, I've clubbed more than (thrice?) the number than I did during the past 23 years of my life.

Some (recent and otherwise) pictures:

HK / SA

2009-05-13T23:49:00.000+08:00

TEARS DRIED HEART DIED

2009-05-09T00:35:00.002+08:00

Even "heart-connected" friends come and go. Sad but true. You were just like the breeze that lasted one brief moment, gentle yet soothing enough for me; alas when the heat disappeared, so have you faded away.

Sometimes I really wonder if people do treasure friends the way I do. Perhaps because I do not have siblings, friends mean so much more to me.

EEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOO

2009-03-29T00:34:00.002+08:00

People say I'm the life of the party

Because I tell a joke or two

Although I might be laughing loud and hearty

Deep inside I'm blue

So take a good look at my face

You'll see my smile looks out of place

If you look closer, it's easy to trace

The tracks of my tears..

I need you, need you

Since you left me if you see me with another girl

Seeming like I'm having fun

Although she may be cute

She's just a substitute

Because you're the permanent one..

So take a good look at my face

You'll see my smile looks out of place

If you look closer, it's easy to trace

The tracks of my tears..

I need you, need you

Outside I'm masquerading

Inside my hope is fading

Just a clown oh yeah

Since you put me down

My smile is my make up

I wear since my break up with you..

So take a good look at my face

You'll see my smile looks out of place

If you look closer, it's easy to trace

The tracks of my tears

Of all that has happened

2009-03-09T20:37:00.002+08:00

I think listening to music helps one blog.

I've been lazy to update of late, not there's much to anyway. February was spent shuttling alot between hall and home. Preparation for cultural nite. Managing the band has been an experience. I'm blessed to have talented people with good attitudes working with me. Willing to learn from each other, play as a team. Lucky that all went well =)

Certain music reminds you of certain people in your lives, even if they enter your life only for a brief moment. It isn't how long you have known the person. It's how we connect. Sometimes, no make it most of the time, one wishes he/she can relive those moments once in awhile. Now listening: Tell me where it hurts by MYMP.

We all grow old and memories remain memories. Good ones we keep, bad ones we remember to remind ourselves not to make the same mistake. Can you imagine how sad it is for those people who've lost their memories? It's like losing their lives. Lives are made up of memories don't you agree?

Am currently taking my class 2B. Hope to be able to ride by midyear=)

Hexis. A year has passed. Haha, totally different theme and cast. Slightly more than a year left in hall for me. Slightly more than a year of experiences left to garner. I am already missing it. The thought of graduation brings mixed feelings, more of this in my future posts =P

I think my attachment life is like my army life. Rotting my life away. Literally. I guess it's a break from schoolwork and everyday life. Now I know why working people have no time to date haha. I feel sleepy everyday. The greastest challenge is to stay awake; when work ends, I just want to head home, eat and sleep. And the occasional tv or dota. I think I hvnt played dota fo a month. The cycle repeats.

So many movies I want to watch. No time, no company. Slumdog millionaire, the curious case of benjamin button, just to name 2. I can't remember all.

Quarter-life crisis???

2009-01-21T23:08:00.001+08:00

Was I out of my head?
Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you're sad then its time you spoke up too

Yay

2009-01-18T22:01:00.001+08:00

2009-01-04T22:14:00.002+08:00

WAR OF THE WORLDS

2009-01-01T00:22:00.003+08:00

1. Everything in life is a gift from God.

2. Faith is what makes life meaningful.

3. Without money, a little is lost;

Without honour, more is lost;

Without God, all is lost.

Frustration

2008-12-31T16:07:00.003+08:00

That indescribable feeling that has its grip over me a number times just this December. But there's nothing anyone can do about it. Just afraid I'll fall deeper. Everything will be shattered. Sometimes you wonder what you live for. It's a shame I can't put my thoughts into words. It's so frustrating. Extremely in fact. Sometimes you just wish that there's someone who can read your thoughts. Then the burden will be lighter.

Thinkin'...

2008-12-20T23:30:00.000+08:00

Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.

倒帶

2008-12-01T14:28:00.001+08:00

终於看开爱回不来

而你总是太晚明白

最後才把话说开

哭著求我留下来

终於看开爱回不来

我们面前太多阻碍

你的手却放不开

宁愿没出息求我别离开

Mood: Reflective

2008-11-24T09:19:00.003+08:00

Just when you begin to wonder how God speaks to us, He chooses the most unlikiest of ways. I seem to have trouble listening to Him. Somehow, I just do not know when He is speaking to me. Bouts of depression lately. After an extremely emotionally draining day, I had a dream two nights ago. The next morning, he revealed himself to me again thru a good friend whilst breakfast one morning before studying. Even without me mentioning my burdens, this friend of mine just mentioned that sometimes, He doesn't want us to take a certain path is because He has better things in store for us. I mean, I used to believe that. What happened suddenly? Perhaps, God gives us gentle reminders every now and then, that He is still present when we think otherwise, that patience is a virtue. Good things are worth waiting for. Even if it seems the most unlikiest of scenarios at the moment, miracles will and do happen. You just gotta pray and beg God for it. He will answer. Another point mentioned by my friend who gave his own testimony. We just have to obey Him. Sounds easy, but not at all.

Sidenote: I'm so thankful for my mum.

Tell me where it hurts

2008-10-16T16:52:00.006+08:00

It's pouring out there, and inside...

You know I'm not good with words; and I know u know this song, so here goes:

What is that sad look in your eyes

Why are you crying

Tell me now, tell me now

Tell me, why you’re feelin’ this way

I hate to see you so down, oh baby

Is it your heart

Oh, that’s breakin’ all in pieces

Makin’ you cry

Makin’ you feel blue

Is there anything that I can do

Why don’t you tell me where it hurts now, baby

And I’ll do my best to make it better

Yes, I’ll do my best to make those tears all go away

Just tell me where it hurts now, tell me

And I love you with a love so tender

Oh and if you let me stay

I’ll love all of the hurt away

I can wait forever

2008-09-24T18:29:00.005+08:00

When you say, I miss the things you do
I just want to get back close again to you
But for now, your voice is near enough
How I miss you and I miss your love
And though, all the days that pass me by so slow
All the emptiness inside me flows
All around and there's no way out
I'm just thinking so much of you
There was never any doubt

I can wait forever
If you say you'll be there too
I can wait forever if you will
I know its worth it all, to spend my life alone with you

When it looked as though my life was wrong
You took my love and gave it somewhere to belong
I'll be here, when hope is out of sight
I just wish that I were next to you tonight
And though, Ill be reaching for you even though
You'll be somewhere else, my love will go
Like a bird on its way back home
I could never let you go
And I just want you to know

I can wait forever
If you say you'll be there too
I can wait forever if you will
I know its worth it all, to spend my life alone with you

-Lyrics by Air Supply-

Down, Not Out

2008-09-20T00:43:00.001+08:00

Mood meter: 2/10

Fuzzy Wuzzy

2008-09-06T21:18:00.001+08:00

All warm and fuzzy these days...

Some recent pictures

2008-08-31T01:10:00.002+08:00

State: Confused

2008-08-31T00:52:00.003+08:00

You hate the feeling:

When your heart tells you one thing, but your head tells you another.

When situations all around you seem to point towards smth not meant for you, but then, just when you thought you've got the answer to your dilemma, everything seems to work in your favour once again, and it makes you rethink.

When it's been ages since you've felt that way, and the feeling returns because of someone you've met, only to realise that it may not work out eventually.

When people you've consulted have reminded you to think of someone higher up there, but you still want to go ahead and try. The human nature. It's not as if I've haven't been there before, it's the stupid voice which still says it may be possible somehow.

Of having the person who eventually may be the one, to be around you when all these happen.

Of being the person who has to be around when someone you like, likes another. And all you can do is nothing. And it hurts because nobody knows anything.

Of waiting without any certainty of the future. Some people say 'seize the day', others say 'good things take time'. Which will you listen to?

4 Things You Cannot Recover

2008-08-28T15:23:00.001+08:00

The stone after it's shot.
The word after it's spoken.
The occasion after it's lost.
The time after it's gone.

Update

2008-08-09T21:45:00.002+08:00

Yes I'm still alive. Just don't know what to blog about haha. Ask me about my life. =P

More and Less

2008-07-12T01:13:00.000+08:00

Less emotional; Less impulsive; More decisive.

I hate this feeling

2008-07-08T22:46:00.002+08:00

I think we cannot go on like this. We shd stop. It's obvious to you isn't it? Somethings I don't hafta say, cause u noe i dun have the heart to. But if situation warrants me to, I'm sorry but I will. For the long term good. Maybe it isn't love you're feeling. How do you know it is anyway? It takes two hands to clap. Somehow, i just don't feel the 'connection'. You shd be able to sense it. I need to break it to you.

Hats off

2008-07-06T01:45:00.000+08:00

Taken off Deborah's blog =)

A cruel little joke

2008-07-01T03:27:00.002+08:00

One day, as i scrolled thru my phonebook, i decided to sms her. We arranged to meet up on Monday, but as fate would have it, we met on saturday instead. And after a couple of drinks, we sat down to talk. Then we learnt about the past. that was 5 years ago. A long time. When we met again on sunday, more things were revealed, but it was complicated. Much too complicated. Today, things changed drastically. How i wished i said things i should have said, and not do things i shdn have done. She said i'll still have a special place in her heart. But for how long? I should be fair to her. I should just tell her the truth. We cant go on like this forever. It ain't right.

Thoughts for the month

2008-06-23T23:33:00.002+08:00

You know you haven't been home for awhile when you don't remember where your letter box is.

God works in mysterious ways. He brings people back in your life, with a whole new perspective of life itself.

You wonder if God is speaking to you when you have affirmations from various sources, especially when you embark towards the unknown.

Everything happens in His time. Be patient, one day you will understand why; I still don't sometimes, but I know He will reveal His plans for me, to me, soon.

We all fall short to sin sometimes, for it is human nature. However, do not sin in rebellion against God. It is not worth it.

MYMP's version - Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

2008-05-24T15:38:00.001+08:00

It's good to slack

2008-05-22T02:01:00.005+08:00

Looking in your eyes, I see a paradise
This world that I've found is too good to be true
Standing here beside you, want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you

Let em say we're crazy, I don't care about that
Put your hand in my hand baby Don't ever look back~
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now~
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us~

I'm so glad I found you, I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times, see it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do

Let em say we're crazy, what do they know??
Put your arms around me baby
Dont ever let go~
Let the world around us, just fall apart..
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart~

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now~
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have each other
Nothing's gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us~

Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do, is hold you forever ever and ever, hey

I've got this song stuck in my head. LOL I think it's pretty catchy and 80ish and mamboish, which it is haha. Awesome stuff. Ok random.

Mahjong, friends, the occasional beer, chips, music... they all spell the word SLACK. haha

Chillllllllll

Holi Holi day

2008-05-04T21:21:00.002+08:00

Ok i've unlocked my blog haha...
I still don't feel the holiday mood yet =P

It is finished

2008-04-13T01:40:00.003+08:00

what a huge sense of relief
funny i must say
all things seem to point towards this anyway

i feel unburdened
a load off my shoulders
probably yours too

i think i've made a right decision this time round
ive come to my senses
im sleepy as i type this
yet i awake from my slumber

What a dream i had.

Insomnia

2008-04-11T01:33:00.002+08:00

how am i supposed to forget u
leave you outta my thoughts
to stop looking at pictures of you
and me

i miss the times before this
few though we had
but the memories i hold dear

my friend tells me to drop the thought

seeing u with another just hits me bad
there're times i don't hafta guess
cause he'll be there
while i'm not

who can know what you're thinking?
i'll nv know where i stand

my friend tells me it's infatuation

aren't we past that age?

you gotta let me know girl

Part 1

2008-04-04T03:03:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder
if i do say the right things
to the right person
at the right time

and then there's the question
when IS the right time

i'm either too early
or too late

now i think about it so very often
it's distracting me
exam period

can't concentrate during lectures
can't even sleep properly cause in my dreams u appear

there's a fine line between infatuation and 'like'
a line i can't distinguish

im not used to playing this role

we'll see how it goes won't we?
at least u know this isn't a game i'm playing =)

when part 1 sinks in
perhaps you'll think about it

i can only hope
cause i ain't like him